Peaking Out From The Flap Of My Tent, Part One

I keep asking myself, “Why would I even step outside my tent these days?” They say Covid is under control and the new variant is no big deal. Really? People are throwing their masks off, forgetting social distance rules, and the worst part is not washing their hands! Yuk! Eww! And double yuk! Because our leaders did not initiate proper precautions, we found ourselves in a lockdown situation. And now, with vaccinations, everyone has decided it is business as usual, which means winter could be another lockdown. I am sure that my proud and bold Americans will bully on through, independent and belligerent to the end. By the way, the numbers are going back up.

Yep, it is time to put the flap back down.

I don’t know whether it was a bat or a governmental rat that allowed Covid 19 to encompass the world. What I do know is the world woke from a sleepy slumber in January 2020 and found itself at war. Not sure if this is how we imagined our next world war, but this is how it came to us. Covid is the new invasive, silent enemy paralyzing nations in a dark world of disease, death, and fear. As our leaders, scientists, and medical communities began developing plans of action and pharmaceutical weapons to combat this unknown factor, we waited, watching death hover over us and stealing our loved ones. But, we soon realized that Covid does not discriminate!

In 2020 medical battlefronts were being frantically established across the world. Our brave healthcare workers and the behind-the-scenes workers like environmental care, morgues, and gravediggers with their PPE apparel, began their grievous tasks of trying to save lives, give dignity to the dying and not become sick themselves. So you can find Pandemic truth among our frontline workers, not the six o’clock news.

During this stressful time, so many questions encompassed my mind in the beginning. How were we to fight this invisible enemy? And could we conquer it? Or would the world and America’s landscape be forever changed? My mind raced with questions and questions, building my anxiety levels because those in charge appeared more like educated guessers than knowledgeable Scientists, Doctors, and Leaders. 

My confidence plummeted when realizing what this disease could do, hit home hard, especially our home. My husband is the only healthy person in our house, and the words “high-risk” now had a new meaning. I have the auto-immune disease Wegeners/GPA along with the six other conditions it has created over the past forty-eight years. And if that was not enough on my plate, our twenty-five-year-old son started exhibiting arthritic and chronic fatigue symptoms when he was twenty. The doctors are still trying to diagnose him with either the Wegeners, Beschets, or a variation of other diseases. Treatments had to be paused, virtual doctor visits were needed, and quarantining meant staying inside our house.

Me being me, I began to consider how much red duct tape it would take to wrap around my house. And an obtrusive, large warning sign stating, “High-Risk Zone, Stay Away!” in the front yard. Or we could place barbed wire across our front yard with the sign “Beware, Explosive Situation!” I seriously thought about the extremes it might take to keep us safe. Maybe not the duct tape or the barbed wire, but the distancing, hygiene to the extreme, mask and glove-wearing IF we were to go out.

I kept reminding myself that God is in control and wore my knees out praying for our family and others who had their family members serving or were already sick.

Maybe I can lift my flap a little bit.

To be continued…

How Are You Doing?

How are you doing? Have you taken your temperature lately? Sometimes during a hurried life, not to mention a pandemic and the craziness of 2020, we forget to stop and breathe deeply. So, right now, you are not to move, think, or do any other action than to breathe. Can you do that for a few minutes?

Doesn’t it feel so cleansing to your soul, to take deep breaths with your eyes closed and maybe your head lying back? When I do it, I turn off all sounds within my control, like the tv, so that there is nothing to distract my attention for those few minutes. I can feel my body appreciating the new, clean oxygen, along with the momentary silence.

If I don’t take the time to breathe consciously, I begin to move like a freight train throughout my day. Before I know it, I am flying on an out of control physical and mental railway, barely hugging the curves and leaving sparks flying behind me. Ouch! What a way to start a fire! My responses become hurried and short, my movements are quick and jerky, and my attitude is cloudy with grumpiness. Why? Because I want to get it all done and solve all the problems. And what for? I am not happier. I do not have a little more money, nor have I won a Pulitzer Prize.

So this Christmas season, it was time for a conscious change to our holiday routines and traditions. First, it began because I am having major surgery in the middle of December to correct complications to my facial structure caused by Wegener’s disease. The recovery will be a long one, well into after the New Year. My husband and son will be responsible for packing up and putting away the decorations inside and out. Now, we are a family team. We put the decorations up together and take them down together, it is not a one-sided event, but they will have one less teammate. And this teammate is going to require them to care for her also. My plan of simplifying Christmas went into action.

The first decoration to go up was our family Christmas tree with the family ornaments and my mom’s nativity scene. No little trees, greenery up and down the stairs and over the doorways, knickknacks, jingle bells, villages, dancing Santas, snowmen, and bathroom decanters. Next, we adorned our front door with one lighted green wreath, and that is the total sum of our outdoor decorations. We are leaving us plenty of time to focus on family and the real reason for Christmas! Of course, I still have one “bucket list” Christmas to do, but it won’t be this year. That will be the Christmas when I decorate to the max and outdo the house in Christmas Vacation! Does anyone want some cat kibble jello? But that is for another Christmas and with the help of the grandkids!

After all, is said and done, I feel so good! I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything! We even took it one step farther with gift-giving. The grandkids will get their usual gift from us grandparents, which is part of my own enjoyment. Everyone else gets a 2020 ornament representing them or this crazy year for their tree. The ornament should cost between $10 – $15 or cheaper. Talk about a pressure release!

We even decided to keep the gift idea for future Christmases and spend the extra money we save on those in need. That is one-holiday tradition I miss terribly, going out feeding and helping others. Doing it through online contributions feels cold to me, even though I know it is helpful. I love hugging others, spreading hope, and feeling useful in their circumstances. It speaks to my inner problem-solver persona. Hopefully, next year will be different.

Now my train has slowed to a lyrical clickity-clack, and my oxygen meter is reading 100%. Not bad! Not bad at all!

How is your train running? Is it time for you to step back, take some deep breaths, and do away with overdoing? Enjoy your holiday moments, don’t worry if the decor or the food is not perfect! Spend time, even if it has to be virtual, with family and friends. Laugh, praise God for your blessings. And love that you are here, now, in this place.

God Bless You!