I never realized that having cataracts removed from both of my eyes would catapult my Van Gogh vision into clear Kodak moments! Since cataracts are gradual, you do not realize how much of your vision you are losing. I thought everything was fine and waiting on the surgery would not be a big deal. Looking back, I see a strain on my whole family, with my husband becoming my chauffeur and our son my texting assistant. And toward the end of the cataract invasion, I became the perfect enactment of a “cartoon old lady” by bumbling around, squinting, and placing objects almost on my eyeballs to identify them. Who needs cataract surgery? Then the day came when I could no longer recognize my keyboard or the letters on my computer screen, and writing in longhand across a page resembled intersecting lines. Surgery Please! Five years later.
Yes, the “old lady” is coming out in me. I see her every day in my mirror with my new corrected vision and notice her butting in on my decisions and actions. I am too young for cataract removal and old lady syndrome, but there she is squarely in front of me, staring back. Maybe with my cataracts removed, she will go away!
Unfortunately, my cataracts are disease-related from all of the years of steroids utilized to keep the GPA in temporary remission. But why wait so long on such a simple procedure? Maybe I could not bear the thought of one more surgical procedure and one more hit to our finances. Yes, we have health insurance through my husband’s job, but nothing is 100%. And with my infinite number of doctor visits, within my extensive catalog of physicians I have acquired, there are still co-pays and medical bills to be paid.
I should not complain, think of myself as unfortunate or resent the old lady staring back at me. There was a time in my life when I was a single parent, working for an hourly wage and with no health insurance. Those were some tough years because I strove not to be on assistance. So, being a single parent and paying our way meant my meals were infrequent, and I ate many a can of Spaghetti-0s. You could get those four for a dollar! But my children had everything they needed, and that was what kept me pushing forward every day. It may have been what kept me alive! I carry memories like these within my mind’s eye to help remind me just how blessed I am today! It also gives me empathy concerning single, hourly wage parents with the same struggles I have known.
I believe we are here to learn lessons and to try to be better people. By now, I should have acquired at least four or five PhDs. Lessons we see with our eyes and within our memories should help us move forward in life. And when you get that nagging feeling like you have been there before and it was a disaster…walk away!
The Apostle Paul had a physical sight impairment, and his memory sight must have been pretty horrific when he chose to follow Christ because of the torture and imprisonment he endured. He knew his destiny and passionately followed it until the end. One of Paul’s comments I wished I had learned early in my life is Philippians 4:11.
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”
I wish I could have said that during my past journeys.
What did I learn this time from my journey of sight to no sight and back to sight again? First, not wait for needed surgeries and graciously, not grumpily, depend on others for assistance and prayers. Second is the sanctity to have sight and not to have sight. Third, I learned to go deeper into my study of the bible, thanks to Audible and Chuck Missler, which brought me to a greater dependence on Jesus Christ and to know Him more.
We all have struggles in life, some of us more than others, and we must remember that when interacting with people. We don’t know what they are going through or went through in life which brought them to the place they are today. And it is how we see them and ourselves, either with our eyes or with our heart, that will make the difference.
If you are having some difficult times right now, step back and try to get a new view of the situation. Finding someone you trust to talk to and pray with will help you. And know as I know that God loves you!
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